In this mailbag episode of New York’s Asset Protection Round Table, Ted Alatsas tackles three common estate planning questions from families: When should children receive their inheritance? How do you divide family heirlooms fairly? And does an old power of attorney still work if a parent becomes incapacitated?
Key Takeaways
- You can structure children’s inheritances with age-based milestones, staggered distributions, or specific life benchmarks.
- Fair doesn’t always mean equal — and estate planning flexibility is critical when children are different ages.
- Family heirlooms can be distributed through written instructions or a tangible personal property memorandum to avoid disputes.
- A durable power of attorney remains effective after incapacity — but documents should be reviewed to ensure they meet current legal standards.
Episode Overview
This episode dives into real-world estate planning scenarios submitted by listeners. These are common issues many Brooklyn and New York families face — and thoughtful planning today can prevent conflict later.
Mailbag Question #1: When Should My Children Receive Their Inheritance?
The Scenario:
A parent has three children within five years of each other. They want the children to wait until they’re older to receive their inheritance — but they’re concerned about fairness if the older children receive money first while the youngest has to wait.
Ted’s Insight
This is a common estate planning challenge. Unless you have twins or triplets, children are almost always at different life stages when planning decisions are made.
The key question is: What is the purpose of the inheritance?
Is it meant to:
- Help with education?
- Provide a down payment for a home?
- Support marriage or starting a family?
- Encourage financial responsibility?
Instead of distributing everything at once, you can:
- Structure staggered distributions (similar to an annuity format)
- Tie distributions to specific milestones (graduation, moving out, career establishment)
- Provide partial distributions at certain ages
- Create flexible trusts that allow a trustee to adapt as circumstances change
Ted emphasizes that fairness is defined by you — not by outside expectations. There is no legal requirement to distribute assets equally or at the same time.
Flexibility and proper trustee authority are critical, especially when children are still young and future maturity levels are impossible to predict.
Mailbag Question #2: How Do We Divide Family Heirlooms Without Conflict?
The Scenario:
What’s the best way to pass down family heirlooms to prevent arguments later?
Ted’s Insight
The most effective solution is clarity.
You can:
- Specifically designate items in your will or trust
- Use a Tangible Personal Property Memorandum to list who receives certain items
- Assign a trusted executor or family member to oversee distribution
- Encourage family discussions ahead of time
Interestingly, most heirloom disputes center around emotional value, not financial value. Jewelry, figurines, collectibles, and personal keepsakes often carry sentimental importance that outweighs monetary worth.
For high-value collectibles, parents tend to be more deliberate in their planning. But for sentimental items, communication can often resolve potential disputes before they arise.
Mailbag Question #3: Does an Old Power of Attorney Still Work?
The Scenario:
A listener was named Power of Attorney years ago. If their parents become incapacitated, is that document still valid?
Ted’s Insight
It depends on whether the document is a Durable Power of Attorney.
A durable power of attorney remains effective even if the person who created it becomes incapacitated. That durability is essential for incapacity planning.
However, laws change and documents age. It’s important to:
- Review the existing document
- Confirm it meets current New York legal requirements
- Ensure it still aligns with your family’s needs
If there’s uncertainty, consult with an estate planning attorney to review and update documents as needed.
Transcript from the Episode
Episode 097 – Ted Alatsas Mailbag
New York’s Asset Protection Round Table
Runtime: 9:40
Ben: All right, today on New York’s Asset Protection Round Table – The Three Pillars of Protection Program, we’re diving into the mailbag. We’ve got three great estate planning questions that have come in, and Ted will address them today.
Welcome to New York’s Asset Protection Round Table with Ted Alatsas of Alatsas Law Firm. Our mission at Alatsas Law Firm is to assist you with the three pillars of protection: preserving your assets, providing for your loved ones, and protecting your future.
Glad to have you with us for another episode. You can find the firm online at alatsaslawfirm.com, or call the office directly at 718-233-2903.
Ted, how are things today?
Ted: Doing okay. We’re experiencing some cold weather, but that’s to be expected. It is January, after all.
Ben: It’s been frigid in the city recently.
Ted: Yes, but hope springs eternal. Spring isn’t too far off, so we’ll see.
Ben: That’s right — just bundle up and bear with it. We’ll help warm things up with some mailbag questions. These are great scenarios, and I think they’ll help listeners who may face similar situations.
Let’s jump in.
Mailbag Question #1
“I have three children within five years of each other. I want them to wait until they’re older to receive their inheritance, but I’m worried about what happens if the older children receive money while their younger sister has to wait. Should I make them all wait and receive the money at the same time?”
Ted: That’s a great question, and we run into this often. Unless you have twins or triplets, children are going to be different ages when you’re planning.
The first thing to consider is your overall goal for the money. Is it meant to:
-
Help with education?
-
Provide a down payment on a house?
-
Help with marriage?
-
Assist them in getting established in life?
You’re not obligated to give a child every dollar once they reach a certain age. You can structure distributions over time, similar to an annuity. You can condition payments on benchmarks — completing a degree, achieving certain grades, moving out, or reaching other life milestones.
The key is structuring your plan so it accomplishes your goals while maintaining a sense of equity. Parents often try to find a solution that keeps everyone happy, but that can be challenging.
Ben: How difficult is it to find a “fair” solution when children are different ages?
Ted: It’s very difficult — especially when the kids are young. It’s hard to imagine what your three-year-old will be like at 25. You can’t gauge maturity or responsibility yet.
That’s why flexibility is so important. You want a plan you can revisit and adjust. You also want to appoint someone with the authority to pivot if circumstances change.
And remember — “fair” is what you decide it is. There’s no legal requirement to divide everything equally. There’s no requirement to leave anything at all. Fair is what works for your family.
Ben: That’s helpful perspective. If you’re in a similar situation, reach out at 718-233-2903 to talk through your options.
Mailbag Question #2
“What’s the best way to handle passing down family heirlooms so there’s no arguing later?”
Ted: Excellent question. We see this often. Many families defer and just assume everyone will work it out.
One approach is to be very specific in your will or trust. You can create what’s called an Assignment of Tangible Personal Property — essentially a written memorandum listing who gets what.
For example:
- “My daughter receives my jewelry.”
- “My son receives my baseball card collection.”
You can also appoint someone — like your executor — to distribute items according to your wishes.
Often, families will sit down and have a conversation about who wants what. Sometimes that works very well.
Ben: Are these disputes usually about financial value or emotional value?
Ted: Almost always emotional value. Jewelry, figurines, keepsakes — those tend to carry sentimental meaning.
When items have significant financial value, parents are usually more deliberate about distributing them. But most disagreements arise from sentimental attachment, not money.
Communication is key in these situations.
Mailbag Question #3
“My parents made me Power of Attorney years ago. Does that still work if they become incapacitated, or do we need something more formal?”
Ted: Great question. It depends on the type of Power of Attorney.
If it’s a Durable Power of Attorney, then yes — it remains effective even if the person who created it becomes incapacitated. That’s what “durable” means.
However, you should review the document to confirm that it is durable and that it complies with current New York law. If it’s outdated, it may need to be updated.
The best step is to consult with an estate planning attorney, review what you have, and determine whether changes are necessary.
Ben: That’s why having these conversations is so important. If you have similar questions, call Alatsas Law Firm at 718-233-2903 or visit alatsaslawfirm.com.
Ted, I’m sure you’ve seen many variations of these scenarios over the years.
Ted: Absolutely. We deal with these types of issues every single day.
Ben: If you have a question for a future mailbag episode, send it in. We’d love to hear from you. And don’t forget to subscribe so you’re alerted when new episodes are released.
For Ted Alatsas of Alatsas Law Firm in Brooklyn, New York, I’m Ben George. We’ll talk to you again soon.
Disclaimer
Information provided on this podcast is for illustrative purposes only and does not constitute legal, tax, or investment advice. Always consult with a qualified legal, tax, or financial professional before taking action.
