When I sit down with couples in Brooklyn who are considering divorce, one of the first questions they ask me is: "What's the difference between a contested and uncontested divorce?" It's a crucial question that affects everything from how long the process takes to how much emotional energy—and money—you'll invest in moving forward.
I've been practicing family law in New York since 1996, and I've walked alongside countless families through both types of divorce. The path you take doesn't just impact the legal paperwork; it shapes how you'll co-parent, how your children experience this transition, and ultimately, how you'll be able to rebuild your life afterward. Let me break down what you really need to know about these two very different approaches to ending a marriage.
What Is an Uncontested Divorce?
An uncontested divorce is exactly what it sounds like—both spouses agree on all the major issues without needing a judge to make decisions for them. Think of it as a collaborative separation where you and your spouse have already worked out the details and just need the court to make it official.
In an uncontested divorce, you've reached agreement on:
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Division of marital property and debts: Who gets the house, how you'll split retirement accounts, what happens to the car—all those tangible assets you've accumulated together
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Child custody and visitation arrangements: Where the children will live, how you'll share parenting time, and how you'll make major decisions about their education, healthcare, and upbringing
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Child support payments: The financial support one parent will provide to help cover the children's expenses
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Spousal maintenance (alimony): Whether one spouse will provide financial support to the other, for how long, and how much
When both parties can sit down—whether with attorneys, mediators, or on their own—and hammer out these details in a settlement agreement, the court simply reviews your agreement to ensure it's fair and doesn't violate any laws. If everything checks out, the judge signs off, and you're divorced.
In New York, an uncontested divorce typically takes about 3 to 6 months after filing, assuming all your paperwork is in order and there's a mandatory 60-day waiting period. The streamlined process also means significantly lower costs—often ranging from $5,000 to $6,000 in total legal fees, compared to the potentially staggering expense of a contested divorce.
I've seen uncontested divorces work beautifully for couples who maintain mutual respect despite their differences. They're especially beneficial when children are involved because they minimize conflict and set a foundation for cooperative co-parenting.
What Is a Contested Divorce?
A contested divorce occurs when spouses cannot agree on one or more key issues, requiring court intervention to resolve disputes. Instead of sitting across the table from each other reaching compromises, you're essentially asking a judge—a stranger who doesn't know your family's unique dynamics—to make life-altering decisions for you.
Contested divorces happen for many reasons. Sometimes, there's genuine disagreement about what's fair. Other times, emotions like anger, betrayal, or hurt fuel the inability to compromise. And occasionally, one spouse uses the process as leverage or revenge.
Common issues that lead to contested divorces include:
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Property division disputes: Disagreements about who gets the family home, how to value a business, or how to split complex financial assets
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Custody battles: When parents can't agree on where children should live or how parenting time should be divided
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Support disagreements: Conflicts over the amount of child support or spousal maintenance
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Hidden assets: When one spouse suspects the other isn't being transparent about finances
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Domestic violence or abuse: When safety concerns make cooperation impossible
The contested divorce process involves multiple legal stages: filing pleadings, discovery (exchanging financial documents and information), depositions, negotiations, court hearings, and potentially a full trial. Each stage takes time, and each attorney appearance costs money.
In New York, contested divorces typically take 12 to 18 months to finalize, though complex cases can stretch beyond two years, especially given Brooklyn's court backlogs. The average contested divorce in New York costs around $27,000, but complicated cases involving significant assets or custody disputes can easily exceed $50,000.
The Real Costs: More Than Just Money
While the financial difference between contested and uncontested divorce is significant, the true cost difference extends far beyond legal fees.
The Emotional Toll
I'll never forget a client—a mother of two from Park Slope—who came to my office three years ago. She initially insisted on fighting her husband in court over every detail. Six months into the process, she looked exhausted. "I thought winning in court would make me feel vindicated," she told me. "Instead, I just feel drained. And my kids are suffering."
Research consistently shows that contested divorces create heightened stress, anxiety, and depression for adults and children. The prolonged legal battle keeps wounds fresh rather than allowing healing to begin. Children in high-conflict divorces often experience:
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Guilt and self-blame, feeling responsible for their parents' split
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Loyalty conflicts, feeling they must choose sides
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Behavioral changes, including acting out or withdrawal
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Academic struggles as stress affects concentration
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Increased risk of anxiety and depression
For adults, the emotional impact includes relentless stress about the uncertain outcome, anger that clouds judgment and damages future co-parenting relationships, and isolation as the complexity of the situation makes it hard to explain to friends and family.
The Time Investment
Contested divorces consume enormous amounts of time. You'll spend hours meeting with your attorney, gathering documents, attending depositions, preparing for hearings, and actually appearing in court. Each of these activities takes you away from work, from your children, and from the process of rebuilding your life.
Uncontested divorces, by contrast, require far less time investment. Once you've reached your agreement, the legal process is relatively quick and straightforward.
Can a Contested Divorce Become Uncontested?
Here's the good news: absolutely. In fact, the majority of contested divorces eventually settle before trial. As the discovery process unfolds and both parties gain a clearer picture of their financial situation and legal standing, settlement often becomes more appealing than continued litigation.
Smart attorneys—and at Alatsas Law Firm, we pride ourselves on this approach—work to negotiate settlements throughout the process. We use strategies like:
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Mediation: A neutral third party helps facilitate negotiations between spouses
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Collaborative divorce: Both parties commit to settling out of court, with specially trained collaborative attorneys
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Settlement conferences: Structured negotiations often held with a judge or magistrate
Sometimes, it takes the reality of mounting legal bills, the stress of litigation, or simply cooling emotions over time before spouses can reach agreement. I've seen cases transform from bitter battles to reasonable settlements once both parties recognize that fighting only enriches the attorneys while impoverishing everyone else.
How to Decide Which Path Is Right for You
Not every divorce can or should be uncontested. The key is understanding which approach serves your family's best interests.
When Uncontested Divorce Makes Sense
Consider pursuing an uncontested divorce if:
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You and your spouse can communicate civilly
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You both are willing to compromise and negotiate in good faith
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You have a relatively straightforward financial situation with few assets
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You agree on the basic framework for child custody and support
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Neither party suspects the other of hiding assets
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There's no history of domestic violence or abuse
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You both want to minimize costs and emotional trauma
When You Need to Contest
You may need to pursue a contested divorce if:
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Your spouse refuses to negotiate or engage in the process
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There are significant disagreements about property division, custody, or support
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You suspect your spouse is hiding assets or income
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There are complex assets like businesses or professional practices
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Domestic violence or abuse makes cooperation dangerous
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Your spouse's behavior makes an uncontested divorce impossible
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You need court intervention to protect your rights or your children's wellbeing
The Brooklyn Context: What Local Families Should Know
Working with families in Brooklyn, Queens, and Staten Island for nearly three decades has taught me that our community faces unique challenges. Middle-income families—the backbone of our neighborhoods—are often caught in a particularly difficult position during divorce.
You've worked hard to build some financial security: maybe you own a modest home, have some retirement savings, and your children are in good schools. A prolonged, expensive contested divorce can devastate that security. Legal fees that stretch into the tens of thousands of dollars can wipe out savings you've spent years accumulating.
This is why I always encourage clients to honestly assess whether their divorce needs to be contested. Sometimes pride, hurt feelings, or the desire for vindication drives the decision to fight in court—but these motivations often lead to outcomes that leave everyone worse off.
New York is an equitable distribution state, meaning marital property is divided fairly (though not necessarily equally). Many couples, once they understand what a judge is likely to order anyway, realize they can reach similar terms through negotiation—and save themselves months of stress and thousands of dollars in the process.
Practical Steps Moving Forward
If you're considering divorce, here's my practical advice:
Start with self-reflection. Before meeting with an attorney, honestly assess whether you and your spouse can work together toward an amicable resolution. Can you have a calm conversation? Are you both willing to prioritize your children's wellbeing over scoring points against each other?
Gather your financial documents. Regardless of which path you take, you'll need comprehensive financial records: bank statements, retirement account statements, tax returns, mortgage documents, credit card statements, and information about all assets and debts.
Consult with an experienced attorney early. Even if you hope for an uncontested divorce, getting legal advice protects your interests. An attorney can help you understand your rights, ensure any agreement is fair, and identify potential issues before they become problems.
Consider your children's perspective. How your divorce unfolds will impact your children for years to come. The tone you set during the divorce process often carries into your co-parenting relationship. Is fighting in court worth the long-term damage to your family dynamics?
Explore alternative dispute resolution. Before committing to full-blown litigation, consider mediation or collaborative divorce. These approaches often help couples find middle ground without the expense and trauma of court battles.
Focus on your long-term goals. It's easy to get caught up in winning individual battles, but what do you really want your life to look like in five years? Often, getting through the divorce quickly and preserving your financial resources serves that vision better than fighting for every last dollar.
The Role of Legal Guidance
Whether your divorce is contested or uncontested, having skilled legal representation makes an enormous difference. At Alatsas Law Firm, we've guided Brooklyn families through both types of divorce for decades. We understand the cultural dynamics, financial pressures, and family values that shape our community.
For uncontested divorces, we help ensure your agreement is comprehensive and protects your interests. We've seen too many DIY divorces that initially seem simple but leave important issues unresolved, creating problems years down the road.
For contested divorces, we provide experienced advocacy while always looking for opportunities to settle. We know when to fight and when to negotiate. We protect your rights without unnecessarily escalating conflict or running up legal bills.
Most importantly, we help you understand what's actually worth fighting for. Some issues are genuinely important and require firm advocacy. Others simply aren't worth the cost—financial and emotional—of litigation.
Looking Ahead
Divorce represents an ending, but it's also a beginning. The choices you make during the process—particularly whether to pursue a contested or uncontested divorce—shape the foundation you'll build your future on.
I've seen clients who fought bitterly in court continue that pattern of conflict for years afterward, particularly when children are involved. Every school event, every holiday schedule, every decision about the kids becomes another battle. I've also seen couples who prioritized cooperation during their divorce successfully co-parent and even maintain cordial relationships.
Which future do you want? That's ultimately what the decision between contested and uncontested divorce comes down to.
If you're facing divorce and aren't sure which path is right for your family, I encourage you to reach out for a consultation. At Alatsas Law Firm, we'll help you understand your options, protect your interests, and navigate this challenging transition with your family's wellbeing—and your future—always in mind.
Divorce is never easy, but with the right approach and guidance, you can emerge from this difficult chapter ready to build the life you deserve. Whether that journey takes three months or three years, whether it unfolds in conference rooms or courtrooms, you don't have to walk it alone.
